Lack of trust

Theodore Roosevelt steals the anti-trust issue...

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Have you ever worked for someone who doesn’t trust you? I have and I would not recommend it. Twice I have been in this situation and moved on as quickly as I could!

The first time was when I had a new manager who questioned all my decisions and motivations. I was horrified. I couldn’t believe that someone would think that I would do anything less than honourable. I tried everything I could to convince the manager I was trustworthy but nothing worked. I decided it was her problem and not mine. We had very different personalities and just weren’t compatible so I moved on to another job.

The second time this happened I realised very quickly that I was in the wrong place. I didn’t try to prove myself this time as I didn’t believe it necessary. If my skills and abilities were not appreciated and valued, it was their loss and not mine!

If someone is mistrustful it may be impossible to convince them to trust me. It may be due to some insecurity on their part that has nothing to do with here and now. This happens a lot in relationships too.

My way of dealing with my own lack of trust in others (only if the people are important to me) is to decide one way or another – to trust them or not trust them – and stick with it. I cannot think of a worse place to be in than a relationship where I am unsure if I can rely on the other person or not. It is torture to be unsure.

I have heard it said that “love is a fact and not a feeling”. The same could be said of trust too. Easier said than done, I know.

I came across a book a few years ago which I think is brilliant. It is called “The Relationship Handbook – a simple guide to satisfying relationships” by George S Pransky, PhD. It is probably the most positive relationship book that I have ever come across and I would highly recommend it to anyone, not just couples, but for advice on relationships in general.

In writing this blog I did some inner searching and tried to think of my own personal experiences of losing my trust in others. The people who are in my life today have my trust and I hope I have their trust as well. Some people have let me down in the past but they have no impact on my life today and I don’t dwell on that.

Learning to increase my trust in myself continues to be a life time journey and one that gets much easier as time goes on.

cheers

Lorraine

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