I find it difficult to get the balance right between a healthy self-esteem and a defensive sense of ego. I go along with the philosophy that I should be able to let go of ego and allow others to be who they want to be without it impacting on how I feel about myself. Why is it then, that sometimes I feel I must build myself up to seem important in the eyes of others? It is as though I rely on others opinions too much.
For a good part of my life I have struggled with low self-esteem. I have explored the reasons and understand how some things in my past have eroded my belief in myself.
Today I am much more confident of some aspects of self and know that I am as good as the next person, and in some cases, my skills or knowledge may be even better than the next person. What I am working towards is a quiet assurance that doesn’t need external approval.
My thoughts turn to this because I am doing a fairly low skilled job for a few weeks (by choice) with people who don’t know me, and I am finding it hard to be a humble person and just do what I am there to do. I want to do something outstanding so that they will be impressed and shower me with praise!
(I am not sure I want to post this blog – it is so introspective!)
It feels good to have written about it as I have cleared my mind and understand better what has bothered me. I often find I don’t clearly understand myself unless I write things down or share them with a friend.
Thanks for reading 🙂