Letter to Lorraine for July 2012

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Dear Lorraine

Today is Monday 18 July 2011. WordPress has asked me to write a letter to you/me to arrive on the 18th July 2012. That is a bit of a challenge as I am not entirely sure where I am at the moment, let alone in twelve months’ time.

It will be Isaac’s third birthday on the 23rd July – make that fourth birthday for this day in 2012. And young Alex will be 12 months old on the 28th July and two next year. At this time I expect they will be in Townsville for 2012 and Tom and I hope to make a visit around this time next year.

We have been in our house here for over 12 months now. I have just finished working a casual job for about 8-10 weeks.

There are lots of positive reasons to stay here in Busselton. It is just that I am having trouble working out how to spend my time in a satisfying way. I have a wish to make some sort of difference in the world and find it hard to settle down to a quiet life with a few hobbies. My only real hobby at the moment is doing this blog.

So I do wonder if it is just that I don’t want to face myself so I keep busy.  In my recent work I was really reminded how fortunate I am with the life I lead – it is almost decadent! So many people have enormous pressure on them with caring for others and personal health issues. I don’t want to invite any misfortune in my life by acknowledging how well off I am. I feel guilty that I don’t really appreciate it and experience the joy that comes with such a good quality of life. Perhaps that is part of the trouble – not accepting that things can go well for me.

28th July 2010 – that is the last day that I saw Uncle Roy. I dropped in at the hospital to tell him and Auntie that I was heading off to look after my grandchildren. It was good to see them both so happy. Uncle Roy passed away on the 21st August 2010. He was talking about getting a pacemaker and being well enough to visit me in Busselton. He really wanted to see our house.

The last day I spoke to him was the 20th August 2010. It was a brief conversation as others came into the room while we were talking on the phone.  Again he wanted me to come over and I said that I would see what I could do. At that point I seriously looked at making the journey. I called on the 21st August in the afternoon and I was told that he had passed away 20 minutes before I called. I was working at the time and I was reluctant to take time off work since I was only new there. On reflection…would I do the same again? Probably – not so much for the sake of the job but the practicality of getting there and not knowing how long I would be there. I am surprised to find myself reflecting on this…

So forward to 2012 – I/you will be coming up for your 58th birthday. I hope that your health is good and that you have been able to keep your weight down. I hope that Tom is well too. I wonder what I/you will be doing with your time. It would be great to think that I/you will grow some sort of small business or interest that provides you with some sense of satisfaction in your day-to-day life.

So I wonder what I/you will be doing this time next year. Only time will tell. It is writing this letter as it has identified a few things about where I am at right now. Issues around Uncle Roy’s death seem to loom fairly high on the radar. The other thing that stands out is that I am looking for something that will engage my time and interest. That THING needs to be satisfying and external to my own gratifications.

I don’t have much to add to this letter. It just makes me realise that all the things I have mentioned are only temporary. So much can change and I wonder what will be different when I read this in 2012. Will I be here to read it? Who knows?

cheers

Lorraine in 2011

 

 

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