Today I cleaned up my computer! You would not find my desk if my office filing was anything like my computer filing. You would not get in the door! It is easy hide electronic mess. I had folders labeled random docs, random excel docs, random PowerPoint docs!
I had a My Documents folder that had a My Documents folder, that had My Other Documents folder….get the picture! Well, there are random pictures too! I decided not to go there today!
I got more ruthless the longer I was at it. I kept information for years, that I MAY NEED ONE DAY! Work stuff from several employers ago. There were job applications, work projects, samples of work I have done. I couldn’t even bring myself to read most of them.
A moment of enlightenment arose among this frenzied clean up! Much of the information was EVIDENCE. It was to prove that I could do something, or that I didn’t do something, or evidence of ability for job applications etc. And so much of it was not really ME. I believed I needed this stuff to be who I thought I ought to be.
I don’t need to do that anymore and I feel so grateful for that. I worked for Government for a long time and for a long time I found it really tough going. Not because the government was bad, mean or corrupt. I found it to be soul destroying. I wanted to make a difference through what I did at work – at times it was possible to do that. A lot of the time it was just really dysfunctional and incredibly frustrating. I stayed because it gave me security – it was a trade-off. Not uncommon – I guess most people do that at work and in life generally to some degree – we have to do that to survive in our society.
I am self-employed now – I earn a lot less money but I am a lot happier. I can be true to who I am. I can work hard and be satisfied with my personal effort, knowing that I did the best job that I am capable of. Most of my work involves writing applications for funding for community groups. I get to WRITE and people pay me to do it! The time just flies by when I am on a project – I experience that sense of being “in the flow”. I look at the clock and wonder where the day has gone.
I find the writing I do in my blog actually does help me to write for other purposes. I am not daunted by a new topic (project) and I just start writing (and editing) and after a while it just seems to come together. My experience working with government gives me some insight into the sort of stories they want to hear. Hopefully there will be some positive outcomes for all.