When I am getting close to ninety is there anything I would like to clear up with family or friends or the world in general?
TO MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS
Please know and understand that as a member of my family or one of my friends, you were loved unconditionally by me. At times I may have seemed to be distant or disinterested but never interpret that as coldness or distance. It was only my lack of skills and my own insecurities that held me back from showing my love more completely. We all have our own inner demons and we all find our own special ways of dealing with the world and all that it throws in our path – good and bad.
Perhaps I didn’t see you as often as you would have liked (or maybe too often?). It was my way of trying to give you the space to live your own life without me interfering. Perhaps my lack of advice seemed like I didn’t care but it was really my belief that you are intelligent and capable of making your own decisions and my advice may sway you in a different direction than what is right for you. You are the best person to know what is good for you.
Throughout my life I have tried to be kind and loving however I may have missed something. Maybe you wanted my time but I gave you gifts, maybe you wanted my encouragement but I gave you time. I am sorry if I wasn’t aware of what you really needed from me and gave you something that missed the mark.
I hope you will in time, view me with compassion. My life journey is different to yours so my learning is unique to me. Perhaps when you journey some of the “roads” I have taken you may gain some insight into my experience, just as I have come to understand my parents more and more as the years and stages go by.