Today I went to a Taoist Tai Chi Workshop – from 9.00am to 3.00pm. About 15 or so years ago I signed up for some Tai Chi classes – I think it was a ten week course. By week seven I was totally overwhelmed and opted out! I couldn’t keep up learning the new movements. When I say “overwhelmed” what I really mean is that I was freaking out! I added it to my TOO HARD list and didn’t look back.
So, to go along to the workshop today was a big deal for me. My emotions were all over the place. I judged every move I made as compared to the others around me. I kept losing concentration and I kept fighting the “this is TOO hard” voice in my head. I tried hard to let go and not care if I got it right or not but I worried that others might be looking at me and see how poorly I was doing.
Over lunch I shared my mental battle with the instructor and she was very kind. She encouraged us all and didn’t single anyone our for special attention. I was afraid that I might be the one to slow everyone else down. I started to think that it wasn’t all that important how well I went. I was there because I chose to be and didn’t have any obligation to continue.
I was aware enough to know that by biggest barrier to succeeding was my fear of failure. I think I faced my fears to some degree and gained some proper perspective. I would like to keep going to classes because I know it will be really good for my health. FEAR of failure is an awful place to be but at least I had the courage to go to the class and to stay for the duration. I think that is a good start 🙂