Facing my own mortality

We get focused on the time we spend here on this Earth and don’t always see the bigger picture. I would like to share my thoughts on this with you…DSC00638I had a very strange experience recently. It had been a lovely evening with friends staying overnight. I was tired when I went to bed but then I had one of those “Ah Ha!” moments. It wasn’t necessarily a good experience though.

I realised that no matter how I felt or acted there is absolutely nothing I can do to stop myself from eventually dying. I can’t really capture the moment in words but it was a very powerful experience. It brought with it a new perspective about my life. It was as though I have fought my inevitable end and I could now see how pointless that was.

I have an idea in my head of “about twenty more years if I am lucky”. It is a bit like being at 4.00pm and knowing that my day will end at 6:00pm. There is no time to sit around gazing at my navel.  There is no time to worry about possessions and the like. I also can see that in no time my children will be going through this phase of their lives too. Their children will grow up, they will grow old, and I will be just a memory.

Coincidentally I went to see a movie this week called Song for Marion. It was a sad story about a woman with terminal cancer. She was a member of a local choir of mostly older people. The choirmaster was a young female music teacher. The story focuses on her relationship with her husband; his pain, which he stoically holds in, and their interactions with the choir and with their son and granddaughter. It is a movie marketed to the “GREY” moviegoers (according to a review I read).

I cried quite a bit during the movie. Adding to the atmosphere was the reactions within the audience, most of whom would have been much GREYER than I am. There were tears, sighs and sniffles among the thirty plus oldies present. I felt at one with that group as we shared this experience of life, death, grief, and family.  Once again, I was aware that it is all part of the human condition. I saw these senior citizens as people of great courage and endurance. Many have already lost their partners and are still bravely facing life each day with a smile.

I wonder where to from here with this story and with my life? I hope it means I can put more energy into living my life and not analysing it. A sense of urgency has arisen – I do not know when my last day will be but I want to be PRESENT to experience it without distraction by things that do not matter.





7 thoughts on “Facing my own mortality

  1. When we lived in the western suburbs, people especially women got BLUE-ER as they got older. THoughtful post, Lorraine, reminds me of the old adage, ‘Live every moment as if it were your last’.

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