Facing my own mortality

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Baby Boomers / Blog 2013 / Friends and family / Gratitude / Meaning of life and that stuff / Wisdom

We get focused on the time we spend here on this Earth and don’t always see the bigger picture. I would like to share my thoughts on this with you…DSC00638I had a very strange experience recently. It had been a lovely evening with friends staying overnight. I was tired when I went to bed but then I had one of those “Ah Ha!” moments. It wasn’t necessarily a good experience though.

I realised that no matter how I felt or acted there is absolutely nothing I can do to stop myself from eventually dying. I can’t really capture the moment in words but it was a very powerful experience. It brought with it a new perspective about my life. It was as though I have fought my inevitable end and I could now see how pointless that was.

I have an idea in my head of “about twenty more years if I am lucky”. It is a bit like being at 4.00pm and knowing that my day will end at 6:00pm. There is no time to sit around gazing at my navel.  There is no time to worry about possessions and the like. I also can see that in no time my children will be going through this phase of their lives too. Their children will grow up, they will grow old, and I will be just a memory.

Coincidentally I went to see a movie this week called Song for Marion. It was a sad story about a woman with terminal cancer. She was a member of a local choir of mostly older people. The choirmaster was a young female music teacher. The story focuses on her relationship with her husband; his pain, which he stoically holds in, and their interactions with the choir and with their son and granddaughter. It is a movie marketed to the “GREY” moviegoers (according to a review I read).

I cried quite a bit during the movie. Adding to the atmosphere was the reactions within the audience, most of whom would have been much GREYER than I am. There were tears, sighs and sniffles among the thirty plus oldies present. I felt at one with that group as we shared this experience of life, death, grief, and family.  Once again, I was aware that it is all part of the human condition. I saw these senior citizens as people of great courage and endurance. Many have already lost their partners and are still bravely facing life each day with a smile.

I wonder where to from here with this story and with my life? I hope it means I can put more energy into living my life and not analysing it. A sense of urgency has arisen – I do not know when my last day will be but I want to be PRESENT to experience it without distraction by things that do not matter.

Cheers

Lorraine

 

 

7 Comments

  1. When we lived in the western suburbs, people especially women got BLUE-ER as they got older. THoughtful post, Lorraine, reminds me of the old adage, ‘Live every moment as if it were your last’.

  2. Being present allows us to live more fully. We never know how much time is left in the hourglass since it can be shattered at any time.

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